this time it was because i was looking at a picture of myself that was really regular of me just standing by myself at a party and it was FREAKING ME OUT because if there is a photograph of me then i was NOT invisible that night. and i hate not being invisible when i think i am. and then i turned over and looked at my cat wall and then started to say hi cat hi cat hi cat hi upside-down cat to each cat. and then i thought, oh god, i may have a chronic mental illness.
but that was just a mini midlife crisis. i think i may be over it now. i like to push all thoughts like that out of my head and remember that i'm just regular and boring.
last night was pleasant. i was Very Friendly. everyone got plenty of hugs and kisses and i love yous. i ran and leapt into my husbands arms multiple times. my memory of that event favors the idea that i was just like an angel swiftly floating into an embrace but i fear in reality it was more akin to a bull driving a monster truck and hurling itself towards a Riff-Raff. i think i'll stick with my version.
what am i doing this summer?
if there is one thing that college taught me is that i just want to Play. play play play play play play.
i got out of bed today and yesterday and the day before. maybe i can keep it up. i'm going to keep it up. because what can i do if not get out of bed each morning?
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